It's just so weird because I know how shit is really is, yet my mind is so happy to twist things and make me see them from a bad angle.
Basically I'm talking about my alfred situation. ((again.)) I mean, seriously, when isn't is about Alfred anymore? Gah.
I just feel so alone all the fucking time. It's crazy. I know he is stuck out in Maryland. I know he is there because he's trying to make a better life for us. I know he misses me. I know he loves me. I know that we talk everyday. I know that he needs to go out and spend time with the guys or he'll just sit there at home, depressed. I know all this. Yet, I am still fully capable of sitting in my room on my couch, crying because I feel like he doesn't have a spare minute to spend on the phone with me.
I'm an asshole and I'm selfish when it comes to this shit. I know. It just really sucks when I know that he gets up at, like, 7 in the morning... runs around all day long and then calls me 15 or 20 minutes before he goes to sleep. I want some time to actually talk to him... not just tell him about the shit that I got done that day, ya know? Gah. Maybe I am just a spoiled brat that should be thankful for the time that I do get to talk to him on the phone.
Anyhow.
I think I'm just going to downstairs now and read or something. I'm not really tired anymore and I can't think of anything of interest to write in here.
I wanna go out dancing. Someone wanna go dancing with me? Please?
Crap. I don't even like dancing. I just want to go out and have fun and dancing sounds like it could be... fun I mean.
Alfred danced with a hoochie at the bar the other night... i can dance with someone too, yes?
Some come take me dancing. It'll be fun I swear.