I feel that is the dumbest thing in the world, but I do know why i feel this way.
I feel like, well, I know I am making it impossible for me to get pregnant for at least 3 months now... the longer I wait to have a baby with Alfred, the less chance there is to have one.
He feels like having a baby has to happen early early in his life because he doesn't wanna be 50 with a teenage kid, ya know? I understand his point, but this means, like I mentioned above, that he wants a child withon the next few years... BUT he says he doesnt want to have a baby while hes working this construction job because he's never home. Which I do understand as well. But leaves us with this: No baby. Ever.
And I don't think I can be okay with that.
What makes all this suck even more? Everyone is having babies lately!!! And I want one. I would be a good mommy. I just know it.
Another sucky thing about this entire situation is that when I first met Alfred I didn't want to have kids. Hell, I didn't want to get married, EVER. I wanted nothing to do with any of that. But now... Now I have Alfred and I can see my self settled down and having a family. I want that so badly with him. Which is the strangest thing in the world.
I never know.
I'm off to burn some CDs for my neice for Christmas. What fun.
I hate the holidays and everything else in my life right now as well. Gah.