It was a show on self injury / self mutilation. I thought, hey, this could be interesting... ya know? I started to watch it and it just aggravated me to no end. It seemed like everything the girl�s were saying was so cookie-cutter appropriate. Like they were fed the right responses. Each and every girl on there said that the reason they cut is because they can�t handle how they feel. Okay, okay... I understand that that is probably the underlying reason for all cutters. I know that for me the reason I used to cut is because nothing seemed okay. I felt all this shit and it wasn�t how I thought I should feel. I felt like I had no control over what was going on, in my life or with my emotions.
But the girls on the show all had the same responses to why they cut. Almost the exact same wording and everything... and they showed very little emotion about it all.
I dunno. It just seemed so staged and faked. I liked the idea behind the show, I just wish it had seemed more real.
In other news...
I�m missing Alfred hell of a lot right now. I�m sitting here, just waiting around, wishing I had something to do and thinking about Alfred. I miss him. But it�s a missing him that is so much deeper than just him being gone. I feel like I hardly know him anymore. In my head, I�m convinced that the only way I�ll feel connected to him again is for me to spend time with him. Like, in person. And that�s not going to happen until Thanksgiving. ((maybe)) I feel so separated from him and it sucks because he�s the only person that really matters to me anymore.
I hate all this stupid shit.
Meh.