I had a decent night for the most part though. I went over to my friend Tiff's house and hung with her and her hottie boyfriend, Brent. Alfred got a little peeved with me about something before I went...but fuck him. I'm tired of everything being about him.
I got an upsetting message in my guestbook from Terra. It kinda irked me what she wrote... but I do understand it. I just don't feel it needed to be said. I mean, I realize I talk about Alfred a lot in here... it�s because, right now, that is what is wrong in my world... it�s what I'm thinking about. If people don't want to read it... no one is making them. I know I write about him excessively. It aggravates me, as well, that all I do is complain about him... I wish I had a great boyfriend that didn't make me feel like shit... but thing is, I don't have that... and I'm trying to fix it and it's what is in my head... so if you don't want to read it, well, then don't. Meh.
Just to clarify, I'm not mad or anything about what she said in my guestbook... I understand that its her opinion... and, like I said, I understand it... I just feel like if she doesn't want to read this so often...then don't read it so often... you don't have to tell me about it, ya know?
Bah.
Moving along.
Me and Tiff talked a lot tonight. ((I also got the iside-guy-scoop from Brent on a lot of things as well)) We watched some movies and had some ice-cream and just had a good time. I don't have very many girl friends out here in Wisconsin... so when I get the chance to hang out with one... it�s nice. All the girls I know are out in California... and even at that, I'm not friends with too many of them, either. Me & girls just have this... I dunno... aversion to getting along. I end up in a lot of arguments with girls because they all get pissy with me because I usually get along so well with guys... almost every guy I know is a good friend of mine.
When I was in high school, I hated it. It was like I had all these guy friends, but could never find a boyfriend. All the guys I knew considered me their best friend or like a sister... So I was left with no boyfriend and no friends that were girls because they were always pissy with me over the friendships I had with guys.
I dunno.
It sucks now though. I don't have any friends, really. I didn't fit in at my high school out here so the people I knew then aren't really around anymore. My co-workers are all quite a few years older than me. And I can't talk to my cousins, or anyone in my family for that matter, because they are all gossips that do not understand me. The only person I talk to all the time is Alfred. He's my fucking world and it sucks.
I love him. I do. I just hate that he's all that I have.
Meh.
I dunno it's all crazy.
Anyway. I got an e-mail from a friend out in California... this guy named Tonio. He said that him and the guys I used to know out there were hanging out and they were talking about "the old days". The were all asking if the others had heard from me... none of them had... because I didn't really keep in touch with any of them when I moved away. I want to go out there and see them... I need to get people back into my life... I am so fucking dependant upon Alfred. I just need to break away from that.
I'm off to go sleep. I have to call my boss tomorrow and tell her my foot is indeed broken. Therefore... I no longer have a job...wonderful, yes?