Shit, you could go read the beginning few paragraphs of this ((minus the 9 months pregnant part)) and you have everything. Me and Alfred have not broken up... but it almost seems like it might be better if we did. I feel like I do everything, I love him with every ounce of myself yet he tells me I'm crazy, he tells me I don't love him, he tells me I'm stupid & I don't listen or pay attention.
If we did break up he wouldn't miss me or care or anything... he'd probably be relieved.
Fuck man. All I want is for him to care about me and love me. I want him to be the guy that never wants to hurt me. I want him to tell me he loves me even if he's mad at me.
He says I make everything about me. And he tells me that he doesn't understand me.
I tell him I know.
I just don't understand why he doesn't see all that I give him... I wish he could just realize that I love him with all my fucking heart. I just want him to open his fucking eyes.
I hate this.
And to top everything off... the icing on the cake? I got mad tonight... he didn't understand me... I hung up on him and wanted to call him back right away... I was super upset, so I kicked the couch... then I kicked it again... then I decided I needed to kick it really hard... and when I did I kicked one of the wooden boards in the back of the couch... ((did I mention that I did all this with my right foot? the foot that I broke my senior year of high school? The foot that never healed properly...)) Guess what? I think I broke it again. Yeap. Yay me.
Fucking life blows goats. I need to see if my mom can take me to the doctor either tonight or tomorrow morning.... or maybe ill just leave it and deal with the pain... I dunno.