I have come to a decision. Concerning me and Alfred. Yes, a conclusion.

I just won't let shit hurt me anymore. I'll ignore the little comments... I'll ignore the feelings of being last priority... I'll not say things that I know will illicit an anger filled response from him. I'll be calm, cool, collected... I won't nag at him... I won't accuse and I won't point out his little inconsistancies.

I love him. I don't want to lose him. If this is what it takes... then this is what I will do.

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My wrist/sweat band and my black hoodie with the thumb holes are my new bestfriends again. They haven't been in a long while... but they are now.

I guess this is just how it all is now, huh?

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This all makes me want to cry, by the way.

All I want is to have someone that makes me feel special.. and not just sometimes. I want to always feel special with whatever person.

Don't get me wrong... alfred is capable of making me feel so freaking special... just not all the time...

And that is what hurts me. I want him to want to never hurt me... i want him to *try* not to hurt my feelings....

But, I guess... aw, I dunno what I guess.

I'll just stick this out and maybe things will get better...

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I can't help it. I love him too much to let him go. And I know he won't break up with me... so yeah.

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Tonight wasn't so bad though. We talked for maybe 1/2 an hour. It was nice. No arguing, no fighting... and I didn't complain about his calling late and going to bed early...i just told him i love him and that we'll talk tomorrow...

I want to be the greatest girlfriend to him that i can be. Yes.

I know, this makes me sound so loser-ish and pathetic... i know this... I shoudn't want this... but i love him and hes the only guy in the world that had ever made me feel even a smidgen of beautiful... so yeah.))