I guess.
I called him this morning at around 10. ((even though I had promised myself that I'd make him call me. Meh.))
We didn't mention last night at all... We kind of just skipped over it all while we were talking. But I mentioned how my period has been terrible these last few months when I get it. I get physically ill and I bleed really bad. He told me that I should go to the dr again and see if it's all okay... ((I went a few months back and the dr said it was fine)) But, then I thought about it and realized that it started happening ever since I had that abortion last year... So I mentioned the correlation between the two things.
But then by mentioning it, it made me think about the whole ordeal of going through that and the dates kind of fell together in my mind and I realized that this month, if I had gone through with having the baby instead of doing what I did, the baby would be one this month. So I mentioned it to him and I think it upset him or something. Cause he goes, "Well, what are you going to like make a cake and celebrate?" Which in turn made me feel grossed out and I told him no, that that was sick but I couldn't help mentioning it all because the thoughts were in my head and I just realized it all, ya'know.
Then I asked him why he always avoids all his feelings... he never wants to talk about how shit makes him feel... like he has nevr sat down w./ me and discussed the decision we made concerning having the abortion... he just kinda told me what he thought was the best thing to do and what he wanted me to do and i did it and it hasnt been mentioned since. I dunno.
I kinda wanna bust into him and delve into all his feelings. I hate that he doesn't share that stuff with me.
Meh.
So yeah.
I dunno where I'm at. I ust feel blah and shit.
I'm going out w./ my sister to buy hair dye and stuff right now. Yes. I'll update again later.