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09.22.04 ||| 10:46 pm
Why can't I believe Alfred when he tells me something? Why does my mind decide that he's hiding something and then dwell on it for ever?
He tells me it's because I have a guilty conscience... but I know that I don't... so what is it?
He told me that it took him so long to get home because he had to do some running around for the guy he gives a ride home. Then when I told him I needed to get off the phone for a bit to check on my neice and see where she was, he told me that he was going to call up said guy at the hotel and check on him because he almost had a heat stroke today at work.
This all seems like legitimate shit, right? But, do you want to know what my mind has turned this into? My mind believes that he was out fucking someone after work and that is why he took so long in getting home and the reason he needed to call the hotel is because he needed a reason for the # to be on his phone when he finally comes home. I never know. My mind is capable of making even the most innocent situation in something terrible.
It's just that I miss him more than any one can imagine.
And I have never felt as alone and unsure of myself as I have these last few nights...
I want to go home... but i dont think i even know where home is anymore...
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