This does not make me a happy camper. It really doesn't.
Meh.
I did two reviews for Puta-reviews tonight. They both got way low scores. Maybe I was too cruel or harsh or something... but those two diaries just grated on my nerves. I'm waiting for hate-mail... should be interesting.
On another note... Chase called me up this afternoon. He said he had a dream about me last night and was wondering if I was okay. I told him i was okay and we talked for maybe 20 minutes. He was telling me that he had gone out with his cousin and a few of her friends the other night and that her boyfriend was a guy named Nick that knew me.
((I'm curious as to how I got brought up in that conversation... hmmmmmmm))
I'm assuming he's referring to my friend Nick that I ran into at the video store a few weeks back... but whatever.
Chase told me he gave this Nick guy my number... i got kinda peeved about that.
Bah.
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So I was thinking about this madness of threesomes. AND I think that if i get over my insecurities I would be okay with it. I just need to be more sure that Alfred loves me and that I am enough for him. I hate thinking that he craves something that isn't me though.
I mean, it makes me feel like i am not enough to satisfy him. And I try to make sure he's satisfied. I really do... there is so much I do for that guy. Geez-us man, i love him more than anything... ya know? Man o man, i miss him right now.
Fuck.
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I'm sitting here listening to the Murmurs - Squeezebox Days. It reminds me of being out in California... the chorus/verse thingy reminds me of how I used to feel/maybe still do feel about Willie. See it goes like this:
I don't even care if you don't know me
and i don't even care if you don't like me
can't we just spend the night together
so i have something to think about tomorrow...
I used to wander around in the back of the warehouse or the back of amanda's house and sing that verse over and over... man o man... i was so stuck on willie and trying to have a "moment" with him... that when it actually happened i allowed it to be horrible and had myself convinced that it was what i had wanted and that it was worth it...
i mean c'mon... sex in a dirty garage on a beer-stained and cigarette burned couch isn't exactly what i would call a "moment".
Meh.
I do wonder, though... what is mr. willie is up to these days. There was a message from him on my phone when i got home from Maryland... but i never called him back.
Hell, he was probably just wondering where Andre was.
Fuck it.
Too many evil thoughts running rampant in my head.
I need to go to bed... i have to work in the morning. Blech.