He'll tell me that he finds the oddest thing adorable. Like my pudgy arms, or the way i can passionately argue that the third person in a relationship threesome will never truly feel equal to the "original" couple even though I've never been in a three-way relationship.
But then we'll start discussing beauty and he'll say that loving someone makes them beautiful and that he doesn't know if he would consider me sexxxy or beautiful if he wasn't so in love with me.
He's capable of making me so fucking happy, then making me feel like complete shit.
It's madness I swear.
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He also told me that my hair is the color of a stressed out Beta. ((Ya know, the fish?)) It's all reds, purples, blues and grays... not to mention browns and blacks and some golds as well.
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Bah.
I went to the video rental place thingy earlier. I picked up 3 movies, in hopes that i won't end up watching them. Yes, I realize this sounds odd... but I only picked them up on the off-chance that I won't be able to sleep tonight... which is looking pretty good actually. Just the thought of slipping into my big empty bed all by myself makes me feel like crying. Bah Humbug.
While i was standing in line, ((sporting my hair pulled back in a bun and my "comfy" clothes)) I ran into this guy I was friends with in highschool. I haven't seen him since graduation. His name is Nick ((I think)) and he got cuter than I remember. My cousin, Stefany, works with him up at the truck stop and he had asked about me and told her to have me stop in up there and see him. He had told her that he had a crush on me in highschool but that shit had been weird and he had gotten a girlfriend and I kept leaving and going back to California... so nothing ever happened. The look on his face when he seen me... it was priceless. He was trying to get out the door to go to his car for something and he walked in front of me without really noticing me and said excuse me and I said, No problem, then he turned back and seen me and his jaw dropped. He was all, "Oh hey, Ummm.. uhhh--- I'll be right back." And then he when he came back we talked for like 10 minutes. He was there with his girlfriend and while i was paying for my rentals I heard her giving him the third degree about who i was. He was nervous while he talked to me. But I think that had to do with the fact that we didn't really know what to say to each other and he was talking to me ((some unknown girl)) in front of his girlfriend.
It was weird to say the least.
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I don't know why I am the way I am, though. I feel completely... I dunno, satisfied I guess, over running into Nick and seeing how he reacted to me. It's like I get off on the fact that I was enough to make him nervous and get him reamed out by his girlfriend.
It kinda bothers me that I find satisfaction in this. I have a boyfriend and it shouldnt matter to me what other guys think about me or how they react to me. But I still can't deny that I love it when a guy likes me. I enjoy when a guy finds me attractive and I like it when they get nervous around me. I don't know why I am this way though.
Alfred told me a long time ago that he worries about our relationship because I am a bit of an attention whore. He said he worries that a guy will show me the right amount of attention and say the right things and make me feel the right way and that I'll cheat on him. I vehemently denied this and got rather pissed off at him for thinking this.
I mean I know i'll never ever cheat on him. I dont have it in me to cheat on him or anyone for that matter... but I dont feel right denying that I wouldnt eat up the attention. I would sit there and bask in it, I just wouldnt act on it.
I think that might be just as bad though.
Gah, I dunno.
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I think I am going to go in my room and watch my videos now, though.
I feel all lonely and I miss Alfred and I feel badly for having enjoyed all the attention from Nick.
Bah.