So, yeah... Airick is a little upset with me. But fuck him. If he doesn't want to know what I think then he doesn't need to read my diary. And that goes for all you other people out there that may get pissed at what I've said or what I might say.
I do want to clarify that I myself was/am a cutter. I don't do it very often... and I don't think it's a good way to handle emotions... but for a really long time I had no other way to get shit out of me... so yeah. I cut. And I've kind of grown accustomed to that being my way of handling problems. I don't know any other way to get all of my hurt out. So yeah. And, I know there are some people out there that are just like me. We don't cut for the attention it brings us... as a matter of fact I am ashamed of it and try to hide it. But I can't deal any other way.
The gripe I have is with these kids that cut for no reason. These people that cut because they think that scars are cool. The people that cut so that their friends will show concern. My gripe is with the people that proclaim they're cutters and seem, well, proud of the fact. The people that stick the layouts of razorblades and bloody sinks and slit wrists on their diaries. Those are the people I have issues with. Cutting is not something to be proud of. It's not a good way to deal with your problems.
::sigh::
I dunno. But I just felt that I needed to explain it all a little.
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I haven't talked to Alfred yet tonight. He called around 5:30 but I was out shopping with my mom. We went out to get my niece, kylee, some school supplies and clothes. We did damn good too. We spent about $50 and bought about 8 outfits. (tops and bottoms.) Yeapper do.
Ummm-- I think I've thought too much about all the Alfred/kissing shit. Because now I'm a little pissed at him for it. And my heart hurts a little bit. And I feel like just smacking him upside his curly-haired head.
Grrr.
AND THEN--- today at work I wanted to kill all the little children. I mean seriously people... if you have children and bring them to the library... Do not - and I repeat DO NOT- let them scream at the top of their lungs. I don't care who you are... your child should not be allowed to disturb everyone in the building. I swear, Dude. I was on the first floor stairs leading up to the 2nd floor and I could hear a little ass-hole screaming up on the third floor. I shot his mother a few dirty looks. ((she was just standing there yapping her little mouth off to some other lady.))
I HATE THE CHILDREN'S FLOOR!!!
Dammit.
I need a new job.
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I got into it with my bosses boss earlier. She was in the circ room fucking with the page computer and these ads kept popping up. ((Someone had used our computer to look some shit up on the internet and they accidently downloaded some ad-pop-up bug thing)) Well, one of the ads that kept re-appearing on the screen was a pro-choice ad. So the lady starts talking about murderers and all sorts of madness and how we need to protect our unborn children. Now, I firmly believe that everyone is entitled to their opinion... BUT, I also believe I should not have to be subjected to that opinion unendingly. And this lady was going on and on about it. So I told her that I was, in fact, pro-choice and I calmly stated to her why I was. And then I owned up to the fact that I have, in fact, had an abortion and I don't feel that I am a murderer or that someone should have protected my unborn child. I told her simply why I had chosen to have an abortion... why I had felt it was the only option for me and that I don't think that I should have to be subjected her opinions of me being a murderer. Especially in my own workplace. Needless to point out she shut up and didn;t have anything else to say. i wakled out of the room but when ever I entered back in to the work area I felt like she was giving me dirty looks. But then again I could have just been self-conscious.
I dunno. I'm going to go fuck around online for a little while... I may write more later... but i never know.