I was going to call Willie today. It's his birthday today... I think. Or maybe it was the 20th I'm not sure. I think it is today though because the date hit me when I wrote it down. That didn't happen on the 20th... so I dunno. I might just call him tomorrow though, because I'm kinda afraid of talking to him. I don't know how he will act with on the phone. He has this girlfriend now and I don't know if he'll be the same when he's talking to me. He always used to flirt in little ways... like calling me sexxxy and talking in his fuck me voice. I don't know... I'm afraid of what I become in his eyes when he has a girlfriend.
BUT then... I start to think. It really shouldn't matter. I mean, I have a boyfriend... and have had a boyfriend for like 2 years now. Nothing changes between him and I just because he now has a girlfriend, does it? It shouldn't I think. It's not fair if it does. I dunno. I think I'm fucking crazy.
I haven't heard from Alfred tonight. He's supposed to be moving into the new house tonight with the guys. If he has the opportunity to call me he will, but more than likely he won't. If I don't hear from him tonight I will definitely hear from him tomorrow he said. I miss him though. I miss him a lot. Last night was so bad. I talked to him right before I went to bed. And then as I was laying there my body just ached from wanting him t be holding me. I actually was talking to him as I fell asleep. Like kinda sending him my thoughts, ya know? I was just repeating in a small whisper that I loved him more than anything. That I hoped he was thinking of me... that I hoped he knew how much I care... and that I hope he loves me enough not to cheat on me or whatever. I was going to ask him if he heard me or felt my thoughts... we used to be able to do that... when we first started dating and got separated by his mother taking him to the desert while I was still in rialto.... I used to talk to him in my head and send him messages... and then he'd call me on Danie's phone and tell me pretty much the message I sent him... it was neat and kinda freaky.... I dunno if it still works that way between us though. I dunno... me and him used to be so much closer to each other it seems.
I miss him though. So much its not even funny.
Well anyhow... my head hurts and my thoughts seem to be jumbling in me head....so I'm gonna go... night. ::smile::