Hm. I'm happy to see that Lauren updated her diary. I've missed reading her entries... she is one of a very few people that I think understands me and Alfred's relationship due to the fact that she feels somewhat the same in her relationship with her boy.
Anyhow.
Lately I have been feeling like I'm falling into this massive depression. Back when I was in highschool I was going to this counselor because everyone thought I was depressed... I feel worse now that I did then. And that scares me. But, ya know, I was thinking about it and it seems perfectly logical to me that feelings of being sad and lonely would be stronger now than they were then. Back then I didn't have any friends that were supposed to be here all the time for me. I had just moved to Wisconsin, my mom was being a twit, my sister was out whoring around, I didn't have a boyfriend like Alfred... hell, for long stretches of time I had no boyfriend...
Loneliness and being sad were just the way it kinda had to be due to my situation at the time... at least that was how it seemed. I think the reason it all feels so much worse now is because I really shouldn't feel this. I have alfred... ((but, yeah, he's gone all the time.)) I've been trying my damndest to get my mom to be appreciative of my being here ((even though I have failed miserably.)) I have a few friends who have proven to me that they are here when I need them ((even though, for the most part they are all a few hundred miles away at college or in California.)) But, basically what I'm trying to say is that I have all these things and all these people that should be keeping me from being lonely... and seeing as they're not... I think that is why my loneliness and shit feels so much worse... because I have the capabilities of being happy... but its all so fucking screwed up.
I dunno. Maybe I'm just crazy. Anything is possible, yes?