I feel like shit and I wish I hadn't slept earlier this evening. I kind of want to go to bed, but I'm not sleepy.
Fuck this madness.
I was looking at my old poetry site. I miss writing like that.
I think, though, that I'm going to close that place down and fix up my newer one. Yessiree.
My head hurts... Fuck.
I leave tomorrow for Maryland. I'm nervous. I'm scared. What if I get out there and find things out that I don't want to know? I love Alfred so fucking much, I don't think I could be okay if I find out there is a girl out there that he's being with on the side. And that is the tell-all rumor that is circulating right now, folks. That he's fucking Meghann or however the slut spells her god awful name.
I hate that I doubt in him. I hate that I am capable of it... I should be so content and secure in our relationship that him cheating would never cross my mind... but i'm not.
I feel ugly, fat, and useless. I feel like he probably deserves more than I give him.
I hate thinking this shit though. It's sad and pathetic.
I just wonder how I wound up here. What is it that made him pursue me the way he did.
2 years. We've been together two years. Long time... I can convince myself that hes tired of me.
I think maybe I should just go and screw around with my layout or my poetry diary or something... otherwise I'm just going to keep spwning on myself or no reason.
I hate PMS. I hate depression... geez-us