My arms literally ache from wanting to hold him so badly.
I talked to him earlier for about 1/2 an hour. He called late tonight... about 9:00 my time, which is 10:00 his time. He's moving into a house with 4 other guys out in Maryland. I guess he's going to be stuck out there for a long time. It sucks though... cause I miss him so freaking much.
GRRRR
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I dunno. I feel so crazy right now. I just spent the last 1/2 hour reading Black Beauty to my neice Kylee. My mother took her to the library earlier before I had to babysit. Black Beauty is a decent enough book I guess... but it seems so juvenile to me... when i was Kylee's age i had already read black beauty and other "classic" stories. When i was her age i was stealing my mom's stephen king books. I dunno. I'm glad though, that Kylee is becoming more interested in reading. I've always loved reading... i guess I'm just a nerd or whatever... but I remember back when we were living with my grandmother ((when i was like 10 I guess)) and I would grab a few books and go to the park next to her house and climb this one tree that had all these really comfy places to sit and i would spend all day just sitting in that tree, reading. It was like my favouritest place in the world.
When I was in California last... I had Jose take me over to that park where my grandma used to live...
All the trees were cut down and the grass was brown and the swings were all gone from playground equipment... the slides were covered in graffitti...
It was soooo depressing... but i've kinda forced myself to forget that that is the state of that park now...i like to remember it when there were bunches of trees and green grass and a tire swing.
I hate it that all my places I used to go to have changed. I wish they could have stayed the same... it sucks when things change.... its like i have no where to go to thats the same as it used to be.
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Blah. I dunno. I get like this alot... where I just sit here and seriously miss how everything used to be.
I still haven't quite grasped the reason why my mother stole me away from California way back in the day...
I haven't come to terms with the fact that I lost so many friends... that there are people that i sit here and pine for... but those people probably don't give me much of a thought anymore at all. I sit here and i think about people from my renn faire days... and from my freshman and sophomore years at rialto high... i think of people from the teen center in rialto.... and i miss them... i miss them so much....
i hope they at least remember me, ya know? it really sucks that i may never know if they do or not... blah.
I'mma go to bed... i need me beauty sleep.. har.