I r'member
07.14.04 ||| 3:31 pm

I remember back when I was in highschool. I had this friend, Tiphany. We were in the same spanish class and we hung out a lot. I had this other friend, Tom. I can't remember if we were in any classes together or not, but we wrote letters back and forth and he would always give them to me before my 3rd hour spanish class... I'd end up reading them in Spanish with Tiph looking over my shoulder. Tiph seen me talking to him one day during the lunch hour and the next day she told me she thought he was cute. So I tried to hook them up... regardless of the fact that I had been lusting over him since 9th grade.

Tiph and Tom never did hook up... They had nothing in common. Tom and I, we never got together either... but I really don't know why. Maybe because after Tiph had a thing for him, my friend Akame had a thing for him too... or maybe I was just a wimp and never made a move. I dunno. But I was thinking about that today while I was at work.

I was thinking about how me and Tom had written so many letters, talked for so many hours on the phone, went to so many movies, and hung out at his house so many times but nothing ever did happen; about how I completely abandon my feelings in hopes of helping someone else be happy.

I do that alot. I always forget to look out for myself. When I first started dating Alfred he told me that was one of the things that had drawn him to me... that I needed someone to look out for my happiness, because I always tend to overlook it.

He doesn't do that anymore, tho. Look out for my happiness i mean. He'll defend me against people, he'll stand up for me, he'll comfort me when im sad or upset... but he isnt constantly trying to guard my happiness anymore.

I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

I do miss the old him though. I do.

He is still acting as though he never told me that he might not want to come home. He's talking to me and telling me he loves me and misses me... and it confuses me.

I just don't know.

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Anyhow. I told Alfred last night that i might be getting my lip peirced on Friday. I'm definitely peircing something... but i cant decide if i want my lip, my nose or my eyebrow. I was going to get my tongue done a second time... but i dont wanna deal with the hassle of another tongue peircing. I'm also gonna take my pictures of the tats I want and have the guy tell me how much they'll cost... maybe I'll make an appointment for them too. I never know.

Well, I'll update again later...

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