I was remembering when I was in California, living in Rialto. We all hung out at this arcade place on the main street. All of the guys would show up down there and then me and Danielle would walk down there from her house to hang out.
We'd get drunk, or get stoned... and we'd all hang out. It was so much fun. I miss having friends like that.
I was thinking about the beginning of my and Alfred's relationship, too. Everything was so nice and new. Now I feel like I know everything about him... there are no surprises... we both are too comfortable with each other it seems. He is so rarely lovey-dovey with me. I miss the excitement of getting to know him. I miss hanging out at Danie's house, out by the warehouse... sitting there leaning against the wall, him drinking 40s of budweiser or mickeys... me drinking smirnoff or j.d. down home punch. Talking about nothing... and everything. Ignoring all of the other guys. We were so lost in our own little world back then. His friends even had this mini-funeral thing because they all said the "old-Alfred" was dead. because he didn't hang out anymore. Some of the guys even tried to convince him to break up with me so that he could go back to flirting and hooking up with whatever girl he chose.
I was so high on the fact that he chose me out of everyone else. He gave me all his attention. I was in Heaven. Now, its like I have all of his attention but its nothing like it was. He never tells me I'm beautiful... he's always downing on me. I mean I know he loves me and all. I know that. But it sucks that I feel like I'm always letting him down. I want him to see me as beautiful. I want him to think that I'm the greatest thing since sliced cheese... ya know? :::sigh:::
I miss the old Alfred. I want to feel like some one is in love with me.
I want to feel the excitement.
Is that wrong of me?