I am sitting here on the phone with Alfred and he seems a bit overly pissy tonight. He's getting all mad at me for little shit, right? So I'm sitting, chatting with him, and playing solitaire on the computer, and I sit back for a minute to rest my eyes.
I close me eyes and instantly this image/idea comes into my head and leaves me feeling massively disturbed.
Anyone care to know what I envisioned?
In my mind an image of Alfred's room in Maryland appears. I see him laying back on his bed, his phone open on the pillow beside him ((he has me on speaker phone, but its all weird and I have a hard time hearing him even when he talks right into the phone.)) And there is this petite blonde leaning over him... she starts to rise, I'm assuming from having given him head, and his hand gently, like, caresses her hair and he kinda draws her up to him and she lays beside him on the bed with her head on his chest. And he just gently smoothes her hair.
At this point I'm ready to scream and begging my mind to quit with its imaginings.
I know I am just being a dumb-ass. I know he's not cheating on me and I know I shouldn't allow myself to worry about this insanity... but it plagues me. It's not that I think he is doing things... its the fact that he could and I would be none the wiser. I can not stand the thought of him being caring and loving with any other girl besides me. It literally makes me feel sick to my stomach to even think about him with past girlfriends or with anyone else for that matter. He loves me... and no one else. And that is just how it has to be and how it will always stay or I'll shoot him.
Yes, I am psycho where Alfred is concerned. I can't help it. ::sigh:: I really can't.