That is what today was.
Complete hell.
It started out decent enough. My sister, Nicole, showed up over here with my neice, Alicia. Alicia had been away in Mexico with her father for the holidays since the 20th and got back last night. So she was here to see everyone. That was okay. Then I ended up buying everyone pizza for lunch. That was okay too... I didn't mind it at all. ((Even though I ended up spending $25 that I don't really have.)) Then my mom left for work and my sister went home with Alicia and I was left here babysitting Kylee, as is the usual.
Kylee stayed home from school today due to the massive amounts of snow we got last night and this morning... so we were sitting around, coloring and playing video games and what not.
See, now is a good time for me to point out something. All growing up, if I stayed home from school for whatever reason at all, I had to stay inside. That was just the rule. And it makes sense to me. If you stay home, you stay inside. That's just the way it is.
Well, Kylee decided she wanted to go outside. I told her no and we started to argue about it. I told her to play with her toys, to play video games ((we have an Xbox and an old SNES.)) I told her to play on the computer, or to color. I offered to do crafts with her. There were any number of things she could've done to occupy herself. So then her little friend Izzy calls her up and asks her to come over to play and she tells me that I'm being mean and that I won't let her do anything. She told Izzy that it was like she was being punished.
This pissed me off. Hell, I even would've let her little friend come over to our house to play if she had asked. I didn't care. I just wanted her to stay in the fucking house. And I told her as much and she kept telling me how stupid I was and how I didn't make any sense.
Then, to make matters worse, my sister, Stacey ((the whore)) comes home. And she starts telling me how I should let Kylee go play outside. This really pisses me off. She never babysits, is always to freaking busy and then she comes home and tries to make me look like even more of a bad guy. I tell her to shut the fuck up and she then starts talking all this shit about how I am such a bitch and I need to not yell and I'm just a whore and a loser and I should just get the hell out. So I said fine. You babysit, I'm out. I went down in to my room, gathered some shit into my backpack and got all dressed and left.
I went over to my friend Tiff's house and hung out there till about 10:00 tonight. I was pissed and I did not want to come back home at all. But, I wanted to talk to Alfred and the only way I could do that was to come home. I mean, I did call him from Tiffs and let him know what was going on and all... but I couldn't like, stay on the phone with him till all hours, ya know? So I came home.
Wanna know what I saw when I walked in the front door?
My sister and her friend... sitting in the living room... filling her fucking pipe with pot.
Yeap.
How fucking wonderful is that?
I mean, I myself am not entirely against smoking a joint every now and again... but dude. She was supposed to be freaking babysitting, yo. Yes, I know Kylee was asleep... but c'mon man.
So I just grabbed the phone and went down stairs, Not a word spoken to her or her friend. I called Alfred and talked to him till about 20 mintues ago. He got up from his sleeping and let me just gab his ear off and it was nice that he was so attentive and acted so caring. I liked it.
::sigh::
I dunno.
Everything just really pissed me off though.
I am tired of babysitting constantly and then having everything I try to do, the rules I try to put down, get fucked up. It's madness. No one else deals with Kylee as regularly as I do. If I make a rule or something, everyone should help enforce it. That's just how it should be. I'm not wrong in thinking that. I'm tired of having an 8 year old back talk me. I think she needs to learn some respect and she should start listening to adults... but its like everyone keeps going over my head and letting her do whatever the hell she wants and its bullshit.
Gah.
Anyhow. As I was sitting at Tiff's, thinking about all this craziness, I realized this: If Tiff hadn't been home from college right now, there is no where I could've gone. I'd of just wandered around till I got bored and went home. I have no where to go. Its like, aside from tiff, I have no one out here. It made me miss Alfred and it made me feel so lonely. Like I have no where to turn when I need someone to lean on.
I dunno.
I'm hating life right now. I want out of this town and this house and I want to be where I am appreciated and where I dont feel so freaking lonely all the time.
I hate my life. Meh.
--- Upon re-reading this entry... I realize it came out nothing like I wanted it to. I wanted to voice all the deep thoughts I had while I was sitting there thinking... and I just wanted my thoughts to be captured in this... but it turned into a this happened and then this happened type entry, and I hate it. I wish I could get my thoughts out there as clearly as I wanted to. Gah.