I'm listening to Jill Sobule and feeling badly about myself.
I talk so much crap on how Alfred is... but really, when I stop and think... I'm the one that should be treating him better. I should be sticking up for him and defending all the shit that he gets blamed for. I shouldn't be fueling the fires.
Right now he is pissed at my entire family for being gossips and invading his privacy... and on top of that, my mom went through the shit on his table downstairs and that makes him mad. He feels like he's out there, working his ass off and hes getting no respect and is having his privacy invaded. And I completely understand him feeling that way.
I don't want to lose him. So I guess I need to touchen up and tell people to fuck off. I've been doing pretty good at it the last day or so... what with my arguements with everyone over the phone... but i need to bring up EVERYTHING.
It'll be really hard... and I'm kinda afraid to do it, because I am worried that I will stand up and piss everyone off... then Alfred will decide to leave me. I hope he doesn't because I am going to put it all on the line and lay it out for my mom tonight.
I hope Alfred loves me enough to not leave me after all this... this will be drastically hard on me... I'm not a confrontational person at all and I crave everyone being happy and accepting of me... but he's worth more to me than all that.
I'll do anything for him... and I hope he knows it.